“A Kansas man was struck by lightning hours after buying three Mega Millions lottery tickets on Thursday, proving in real life the old saying that a gambler is more likely to be struck down from the sky than win the jackpot.” —Jackpot.
“During a speech in California, which the Santorum campaign billed as a ‘major’ foreign policy address, Santorum signaled that while he supported Ryan’s plan, it didn’t go far enough slashing government spending.” —
Didn’t: Freudian slip a racial slur.
“Anybody on the web can get a lot of traffic. That’s easy. All you have to do is put up a picture of a cat barfing on Lindsay Lohan’s décolletage. (Is Lindsay Lohan still famous? Discuss!) But that’s traffic that you get for 4 seconds. It’s not cool traffic, it’s not cool traffic that cares.” —
<3 you, Awl newsletter.
(Also Lindsay Lohan is apparently trying to stay famous by becoming Lana Del Rey.)
(how long till someone names her daughter Tracking Pixel?)
“[17. RETURN TO ORIGINAL ARTICLE IN QUESTION:] “We are not some tight little group of scolds,” Dumenco promises Carr. “This is a conversation that many people from all parts of the industry want to have, and this seemed like a good place to start.” [18. PITHY CONCLUSION:] But these discussions have already begun, and they’re already constructive. [19. SNARK:] Plus, the last thing the future of media needs is more panels.” —How to Properly Aggregate David Carr’s Column on Aggregation.
“Well actually the Genesis 8:22 that I use in there is that ‘as long as the earth remains there will be seed time and harvest, cold and heat, winter and summer, day and night,’ my point is, God’s still up there. The arrogance of people to think that we, human beings, would be able to change what He is doing in the climate is to me outrageous.” —United States Senator James Mountain “Jim” Inhofe.
“Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care.” —How to Write about Africa.
“This report will focus on the smaller Muslim community.” —Yeah it will.
“Her stories are boring and stuff. She’s always calling my bluff.” —If I had Tumblr/Facebook/Twitter in 2003.
“[I’ve] been arrested, jailed, and interrogated in Libya; had a partner murdered by General Noreiga in Panama; dined at gangster clubs in Moscow and in the back rooms of Georgian and Uzbek restaurants with members of the Russian Mafia … been trapped in Montenegro with a former Navy SEAL with Milosevic hot on our heels … been stalked by terrorists and Nazis in Argentina; been a guest of a swashbuckling pirate on a yacht full of hookers in Monte Carlo harbor during the annual Grand Prix … been subpoenaed, incorrectly, for gun running in Central America and, again incorrectly, for involvement in the Iran-Contra affair … I even went to a business meeting with a six-and-half foot tall pink-eyed albino dressed in white from head-to-foot in a Miami-area motel with the peculiar distinction of having more “floaters” in its pool than any other hospitality establishment in the U.S. I’ve met with terrorists in their jail cells in Turkey and over drinks high above Moscow in the Ukraina Hotel and at the Ritz in Paris. I’ve negotiated for kidnap victims as well as vetted dozens of sleazeballs and terrorists claiming to hold American hostages in Beirut.” —Actual campaign literature. Really. (via evanfleischer)